I’ve been quiet lately.
This blog that I’m told will help maintain a proper “online presence” has lately been merely a platform to announce, but hasn’t been a place of my true voice or my spirit.
As some know I struggle against social media, and the likes of being a blogger and a good self-promoter. Certainly useful in application, for me it lacks a certain kind of necessary soul support.
To me a voice without a soul is more uncomfortable and itchy than a good case of Kansas poison Ivy. My fellow Midwesterners will understand the metaphor.
And so my silence has been of comfort and far better than scratching an inch that persists.
I’ve been noticing something though-something so clear and clairvoyant that my voice comes back with gusto.
As I (as we) bump and muck around in daily routine and life I’ve been detecting a profound difference in the way I operate. I make the analogy of a devices’ operating system. The operating system determines the entire functionality of that device. That OS is equivalent to the human container for thought, action, emotion, feeling, experience.
The difference is simple: some day’s I’m living Big, and some day’s I’m living Small.
Not actual size.
Living Big is freedom, creativity, zest, expansion, laughter, forgiveness, intuition, ease, and connection.
Living Small is comparison, doubt, fear, analysis, anxiety, precision and perfection, scarcity, competition.
Can’t you just FEEL the difference?
Athletics(currently long distance running) provides me the most conspicuous of platforms to notice Big and Small. Some days I hit the trail as if I was again a child calling “Jailbreak!” as the doors fly open at recess-minus perhaps cartwheels. I run with ease, with lightness; with a delight in just being alive. No mention of pace or time or measurement. Yes, even while watching the clock to get home on time for dinner.
However, Small enters and Small measures.
It always measures: fast enough, strong enough, long enough, right, wrong, okay, not okay, and even measures my thigh circumference. It’s the keeper of all good things.
Big and Small are not just kept to my running, but seem the most obvious there. Running is my barometer. My guidepost.
I often talk about how running (or any thing really) can be the door way in.
It’s a way to see our selves in a blind world.
I offer no advice, but more I offer observation. Small and Big seem to ebb and flow, but Big feels like where I want to be more and more these days.
And now I head out the door for a run, Big self in stride.